Everything at Once

• I got 2 prunes in my Sunsweet Ones package!
• Kristina is borrowing one of my formal dresses for her (high school-aged) Miss Farmington Pageant! If I didn't already know that I was skinny, that'd make me feel really good about my figure :)

Additional Thoughts From the Day

Today was Day 3 of FHS Mini-Camp #1. We got most of the costume stuff hashed out, finalized the guard numbers, worked lots of muscles and finished up basics.

Being at rehearsal today though brought up a lot of weird feelings and combinations of emotions. A lot of sadness. I miss Annie and Lauren. It sounds silly, but when Jenn couldn't be with me at rehearsals last year, it turned out okay because I always had those girlies to talk with during breaks or whatever (or even while Brad was talking sometimes...). I was also reminded a little of being in high school, as I thought about the kids who aren't in the group anymore, because of graduating or just not returning. The mindset that "last year was the best year, because of the people...this year won't be as great" is easy to fall into, especially for someone like me who really hates change. Which leads me to my next point of sadness: I'm going to miss all the people I got to be on staff with my first/second year of band camp with FHS. I think I might be the only one returning from those years (though I'm hoping rumors about other people coming back are true) this year. I know that the staff was awesome before I was there and will be fun this year too; I just miss that point in my life with those people. It also means I won't get to see Dawn this year...unless of course I roadtrip to Oklahoma.

Finally, today I took the first official steps in looking for a replacement for me for next season. I was kind of overcome by a sense of loss and fear. I'm so not ready to leave this job position group of people experience. My guard girls are amazing and help me feel like a whole, good person who is making a difference in someone's life. Mike is a fantastic leader, teacher and friend. The drumline actually likes me (a feat not easily accomplished by many guardies). I get to be a leader and also be taken care of (Rhonda and Tina take care of all the details that make my creative ideas real and the other parents make awesome food for tailgate). Leaving all of these things, even in search of other adventures, makes me scared. I'm scared that I won't find another guard job like it; that my leaving won't lead to anything better, even though it's not a full-time job or anything. Then I'm sad to think that if I don't find something awesome, and end up coming back to this area, that I probably won't be able to take the job back at a later time. I guess the one phone call I made today just recalled and magnified all of my fears that I've been trying to deflect all year. Sigh.