Disappointed Type

• Tonight, I'm feeling very disappointed. Today, I was planning to take a mini-road trip to see these ice boulders that have appeared on the coast of Lake Michigan, near Traverse City. Even though it was almost 4 hours away, I thought it would be fun and random and memorable. I'd been planning to do this for about 2 weeks (and Anna said she could accompany me) - but when the weather warmed up on Friday, I started to question my decision. Doing a random road trip 2 weeks after you first think of it lends itself to more over-analyzing than is necessary. And that's what happened. I over-analyzed my way out of doing it. I could have woken up early and called the Sleeping Bears Dunes Info Center to see if the boulders were still there. I could have just gone up there anyways, and had a fun story to tell, even if it would have cot me about $70 in gas. But I didn't. Anna and I stayed at her house and watched TV and did nothing on our computers. We did end up getting out of the house for a little while (we were jolted into action when the tree fell on her house and scared the bejeezus out of us). And we headed to Lansing's Old Town and Downtown to wander around. Both of which turned out to be quite boring and a bit depressing (I mean this with no disrespect to the people trying to make Lansing nice - Lansing does not have anywhere that's really walkable and enjoyable). We ended up getting ice cream at the Dairy Store, which was definitely yummy. And it was relaxing to sleep in and do nothing. But I don't need to sleep in and do nothing. I need to be awake and doing things! My job does not render me so exhausted that I need the weekends to catch up on sleep and me-time. No, my daily activities render me itching for something more adventurous. And I - kind of due to weather, mostly due to myself - turned that opportunity down today. I hate that. It may seem like I'm blowing this out of proportion. Except that I've noticed myself doing this in many different situations lately. I'm flaky, even in plans with myself. I don't do things that I need to because I'll have time to do them tomorrow (whether it's finishing projects or doing chores). I don't make plans because they almost never come to fruition (like this weekend). I over-analyze until I've talked myself out of doing something (this is a main reason I didn't think when I made the decision to go to Korea...I just did it). I'm particularly frustrated by this right now because I'm trying to make a decision about my upcoming vacation days, and I can't even figure that out. I was supposed to go to Florida to see Carlee next weekend - but it's too expensive. So then I thought I could go to Toronto, to visit Monique and Richard and Sai, and maybe hit Niagra Falls too - but I also have the opportunity to spend some extra time with my sister, and I can't decide which I want to do more. I'm also feeling helpless in many other parts of my life, so I'm frustrated that I can't take control of these little decisions. I'm also tired of living alone. And I'm tired of having no money to save. And I'm almost 25.