The End Is Here...The End Is Beautiful

Dear friends,

Tonight, I am writing my last post as the Adventurous "Unemployed" College Grad.

I know that I haven't updated consistently since I lived in Korea, but this post officially ends my blog. The fact that I don't feel the NEED to write anymore leads me to believe that I'm more able to cope with the changes in my life than I was when I graduated college - which means I no longer need to use this tool to do that. I'm so grateful that I have a record of my life during this transition. I will miss having such great details of everything! But I don't want to write if it feels like work and like I'm always playing catch-up - which is currently how I feel about this project, and how I've felt for about 9 months. I will fill in a few blanks as I can (including posts from my last few days in Korea), but I don't plan to write any more new updates.

The other reason that I feel it is an appropriate time to end this blog is that there are a lot of fantastic things happening right now for me...things I did not have when I started writing:

• Today, I celebrated 1 year at Towsley! I'm so lucky to enjoy my job so much, to have the opportunity to continue learning about teaching, to work with such amazing and diverse people, and to be located so "close" to most of my friends and family. I'm looking forward to at least 2 more years here and I really appreciate that I can say that with a good amount of certainty.

 

• I have been in my new downtown Ann Arbor apartment for 10 days and I love it! I'm 400 feet from the Farmer's Market, 2 blocks from Zingerman's, 6 blocks from church, 6 blocks from my favorite places on Main St., 9 blocks from my dance studio, and a 10-minute drive to work. I have a dishwasher, AC, basement storage, space for visitors, and 2 fabulous roommates - and all of my stuff fits perfectly. I hope to stay here until I move out of Ann Arbor :)

• Tomorrow will be one month with Nate...yes, I, Emily Palmer, officially have my first boyfriend, at the age of 25 - and I'm so excited! He is sweeter to me than all the other guys I've been with put together and I'm learning so much about myself, and who I am with someone else. Whatever way it turns out for us, I'm happy right now and will look back on this time with a big big smile.

• Finally, N*SYNC performed at the 2013 VMAs. That's all.

So, this is the end. Thanks for reading!

Love, Emily

Mama, Mama Dear

• Happy Birthday to my mama, my Great-Grandma Dorothy (she'd be 103!) and my cousin Trevor...June 3rd is a very special day for the Bell family :)
• I am realizing that my patience skills are really improving the more I work at Towsley. At first, I thought that I might not be able to adjust - at one point, I was even a little afraid that I might get fired because of my temperament (that was a little dramatic of me). But I can really see a difference in the way I'm working with my kids, especially the most difficult ones. Today, I dealt with one of my girls who cried for about 30 minutes straight...by the time I got her to settle down I could barely remember/figure out what she was crying about. But one of the teachers who'd been working in a room off the hallway we were in came out after and told me I'd done a really good job keeping my cool and handling the situation. There is also a student who asks me for help in difficult situations when we are paired with her class. Yes, she should be working it through on her own, but I do also appreciate that she can see when she needs help (plus the kids in that class can be REALLY difficult). Also, the new teacher in my room told me that she loves how Will (the aforementioned kid who calls me "Ehmu") calls my name at least 3 times when he needs me - that she heard him say my name tons of times today. He is also one of my difficult ones but he is very sweet and I love him. Oh and cute quote from today? Jeremy (one of my other toughies): "Do you like me and Will every day?" Yes, Jeremy, yes I do.
• My kitty is so cuddly and I love her :)

Summer Nights

• Today, the weather gave us a glimpse of summer. I don't really like the heat/humidity combo (thought I know I spent the last few months of winter wishing for it) - but I love the summer nights. When it's been hot and humid all day and the sun sets [beautifully] and the temperature intensity goes away. And you're left with a little bit of a breeze (from Lake MI, if you're lucky), the smells from the restaurants, a view of the stars and the choice to wear shorts or capris. Mmmm :)
• This is infuriating. I'm impressed by the ability of the ATF to get things done. But, as a person who strives to make EVERYTHING work more efficiently and as a person who believes guns are not necessary, I am so frustrated that this is the only way we have to find out who owns firearms in our country. And I'm outraged that the NRA has effectively made it illegal to clean up this system. Seriously, WTF.

Psalm Of Peace

• I played this piece today for bells. We went a lot slower, but I actually liked it better that way - you could hear and appreciate all the parts better. I can't wait til we pull it out again :) And I'm really glad I got back into bells :)

Tandem Bike (May 18)

• I went to a fabulous farmer's market on Saturday! PP and Barbara and I ventured into Chesterton, a town about 20 minutes from where we were staying in Beverly Shores. It was basically like an art fair, with a few more food booths! There was so much to see and the people were so friendly. An older man gave me a sample of fried cheese "crisps" and told me they were 0 carbs. I was like, yeah I don't care about that - he responded with "You don't look like you need to!" And I told him I got it from my mother :) PP asked a woman if the veggie chips she was eating were good and the woman gave her a few to try! And I bought a beautiful spoon handle ring. It was easy to forget all the bad in the world - in politics, in other states, in other countries - and just enjoy the sunshine, art and humanity.
• When we got back, PP and I learned how to ride a tandem bike! It took SEVERAL tries and we about died laughing at least 10 times. It was so much fun. Plus, we eventually got better and did make it down to the beach. Where we then scoured the sand for hours with Ben and Collin to find the perfect rocks to make coasters and little stone feet. It was so much fun and such an organic experience.
• Dad and Barbara cooked a fabulous dinner and we finished the evening by enjoying each other's company and watching the sunset.

Media Blitz

• I ate cookies dipped in pudding tonight while watching Friends, in order to deal with the stress of paying all my bills.
• I'm getting very accustomed to the way we speak to the kids at work (i.e. we tell them "I need you to [do something]" instead of "You need to...", "You have to...", etc.)...so accustomed, in fact, that it bothers me when people don't speak to me this way! Maybe it always has and now I have a concrete way of understanding it. Specifically, tonight, when I asked my bell choir director to direct us through the end of the piece, instead of playing the piano, because there are a lot of tempo changes, she said, "No, you need to hear this part - we'll do that [her directing] on Sunday morning." In my head, I was like, "I do NOT need to hear it - I need you to direct!" It took a lot for me not to yell that.
• My dad gave me some great advice for getting Chloe to stop clawing her way along the bottom of the couch - spray her with water! I did it and it totally freaked her out and she ran away. When she tried to do it again, I just held up the bottle and she ran away. I did feel a little badly but you can't say my cat isn't smart - it only took the one time and she got the concept!
• Also: 11 Reasons Cats Make The Best Alarm Clocks. Chloe does #2 when she's hungry in the morning. And I want a #11.
• I am horrified by the story of the 150+ people killed by a collapsed clothing factory building in Bangladesh today. I am equally angered by the fact that the funeral of the MIT police officer is receiving equal or more media coverage. This is one of several instances recently that have re-frustrated me with US media - others being the threats by North Korea (notice how much coverage that is getting now?) and the Boston bombing. Although these are grave occurrences, they are not unique in our world - just not in our country. I find it almost egotistical that we have dedicated so much publicity and so many violent words (i.e. "bombing" and "terrorism") to the Marathon incident. I feel like doing this seriously diminishes the impact that the earthquake in Iran, the continuing war in Syria and the daily terror in the Central African Republic has on the people in those places. Do our news sources think that the pain of those people is not the same as ours? Maybe not but it sure seems that way a lot of the time. Prayers and thoughts go out to anyone suffering tonight.

Visiting Hours

• Krystle came over for church on Sunday and I'm so glad - it was fabulous to spend time together and she needed a break from Detroit life. When I walked into the sanctuary, I was surprised to see so many people around - usually there aren't that many for the 11:15 service. It turned out to be Youth Sunday! It was great: seniors talked (it sounds like they have a great youth program going), we sang camp songs, the youth acted out the Bible stories, and we laughed a lot. The only part that was weird was the way they sang "Light The Fire" (totally wrong) - but I loved it! And it was fun to share it with Krystle on my left and Mandy on my right :)
• After church and general hanging out with our great friends, Krystle and I decided to head to the Eischeids' for the afternoon! Once we got there, we got out of cars and into theirs...it was time for soccer! Since it was 3-year-old soccer instructed by college girls who seemed to have never worked with children before, it was pretty painful to watch - I just wanted to jump in and help! However, the best part was the little kid who kept running around the field and then roaring at teammates, opponents and parents. It was hilarious! After that, Jen and Andrew said they were taking us out to a birthday dinner! We went to Max and Erma's and the food was really good! Plus we got a free dessert. Krystle ordered cookies and I got "funnel fries" and we shared...mmmmm :) It was fun sitting with the girls and talking with Jen and Andrew. And Katie and Ella kept being sneaky about dessert and saying adorable things that made us laugh. Back at the house, we played a couple of rounds of hide-and-seek, which is actually feasible in their house. Then we helped get the girls ready for bed (took a while) and then hung out downstairs, chatting and watching TV. It was a fabulous Sunday spent with some of my favorite people :)
• I LOVE visiting the Eischeids, in case you couldn't tell. But one thing that overwhelms me a little every time I see them is the complete suburban lifestyle they are surrounded by. Soccer on Sundays; subdivisions with huge houses, just a half mile from subdivisions with BIGGER houses; minivans and/or crossovers everywhere; the lack of racial diversity; the sense of removal from any kind of city and any city issues (i.e. homelessness, poverty, etc.). This week was especially overwhelming with the soccer experience. We were watching 3-year-olds play soccer, on a turf field, surrounded by mostly white people, next to a parking lot full of crossovers and minivans, getting frustrated with the way the college kids were (or weren't) dealing with the kids. I was relieved to know that Krystle felt the same! (Sidenote: I also got the same feeling when I visited PP, in the Chicago suburbs.) Personally, I don't want to "surrender" to the completely suburban lifestyle. I try not to judge people who do. But it does, to me, seem like you are sheltering yourself and your children in this make-believe world of large houses and beautiful schools. Although I see the benefit of this (or, at least, the reasons for doing it) as an effort to protect your children from the craziness of this world, I feel like I would be less compassionate if I were more disconnected from current world events and issues. Maybe that will change if/when I have my own children.

A Second Chance (Apr 20)

• I was on Eastern's campus for a conference today - it was so fun to be back! A lot has changed (read: improved) but I still had tons of memories come flooding back. And it was fun to imagine all the people making memories there now :)
• I gave "500 Days of Summer" another chance. I really didn't like it the first time but I love Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt so much now that I thought I'd try again. I still don't really like it but it's fun to see them acting together and I do relate more to the plot line now. Ah well.
• Tonight was our "Wedding Celebration" at work. Since there are 5 girls getting married this year, it was kind of like a bachelorette party for ALL of them. (People didn't believe us when we said we had 5 brides in our group!) I was actually kind of dreading it thought - I like the people I work with, but I'm not super close to anyone. I thought it might be weird at dinner, and that I might leave soon after that. But when I walked in, everyone was so excited to see me (I think they were yelling obnoxiously to anyone who arrived in our party) and I didn't have a problem talking to people. We had some fabulous food and then moved on to Conor's. We found a section next to a bachelor party. Towards the end of our time there, I had an Irish car bomb with two of the guys in the party. I may not be able to drink beer, but man, I can gulp down an ICB like it's my job :) Plus Korinn, my co-teacher, bought me my drink - it was so sweet. And she, along with a few others, kept asking about my dating life. It was nice that they wanted to know. After Conor's, we went to Habana - so much dancing! It was sooo hot but we had so much fun. One of the 30-something girls was drinking a lot more than we all thought she would and it was fun :) When it was time to leave, we all hugged and I'm just so glad it turned out well. I loved being proved wrong - in this kind of situation ;)

Human After All

• My heart goes out to the people affected by the Boston bombing and the Texas explosion this week, as well as the unnamed fatalities in the Middle East, the Central African Republic and other places around the world. However, I am also deeply affected and saddened by the following stories/events:
• Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl
• Gun Control Legislation Failure
• Coral Reef Deterioration

Sometimes, it's hard to be human :/

• However, I did take a zumba and a jazz class with Nikki, see Jayme, talk with PP, find salad spinners for work at the Salvation Army, and eat Nutella and pretzels for a midnight snack. So, those are good things :)

Drive Her Home (April 13)

• Happy Birthday to my "little" brother, Ben! Although I may have to call him my "younger" brother from now on - because, as he reminds me every time I see him, he's definitely taller than me now :)
• Tonight, I experienced the healing power of driving and angry music. I was super frustrated so instead of driving right back to my mom's, I just kept going. I drove to the end of roads and turned around whenever I ran into a road I knew. This went on for about one hour/50 miles, with Lil' Jon, Flo Rida, T-Pain, LMFAO, Soulja Boy and others blasting out of my speakers. Between that and seeing the clarity of the stars around Mattawan, I felt a lot better. If I hadn't been alone, I would have sat in a field, looking at the stars. But just seeing them out of my window was awesome. I do love that area of Michigan :)

25 or 6 to 4 (Apr 12)

• So I've been 25 for exactly 2 weeks now. And I've figured out my plan for the next year - do whatever the hell I want because I'm not tied down to a husband, family or specific job. I know I'm not going to make any terrible decisions (I like that I can see a difference between my current self and my 21-year-old self...the latter could not be counted on for superb decision-making). I'm attractive, smart, independent and I have a job and wonderful friends - I'm ALLOWED to do whatever I want! Examples of me doing what makes me happy because I can and SHOULD:
• Playing handbells at church - yes, it's a little nerdy, but I love being challenged and practicing reading music again.
• Making new friends - yes, I'm going to make it a point to do this, especially if said new friends prove to be even half as awesome as Nikki and Jayme :)
• Listening to NPR - yes, I'm addicted to NPR. No, I do not need anyone to help me with this addiction.
• Getting to know and becoming more comfortable expressing my views on marriage equality, feminism, and politics.
• Visiting my friends all the time, as much as possible.
• Going out for salsa dancing on Thursdays - even when I work on Friday mornings.
• Getting an Insomnia Cookie on the way home from the library, simply because the store was finally open and DUH it's one block from my apartment.
• Getting a retail job because I can and I enjoy it.
• Still wanting to go to a glow paint club, even though the internet says I'm too old for that.
• Leaving work at work - yes, even though I have to make lesson plans, I am not obligated to bring them home with me :)
• Dating - I know, RIGHT??? But it's going okay right now.
• Buying fuchsia skinny jeans.

Missing Time

• On this day last year, I was having a crazy adventure through Korea to go the Jinhae Cherry blossom Festival. thinking about it makes me want to visit soooo badly. Like quit-my-job-so-I-have-the-freedom-to-travel badly. I miss my friends, the food, the culture, traveling throughout Korea. Everything. (I know that a lot of my posts while I was in Korea were about how much I missed home, so this must sound very hypocritical now - but I can't help it.) For today, I'll enjoy the company of MI sunshine and my kitty and my friends - but I want another adventure.

State of the Art (Apr 6)

• Tonight I got to see my Sara perform with Ancora Open at MCGC States. It was so cool to watch her! (And then to remember what she was like as a freshman :)) She was poised, graceful, in character (important for this particular routine) and made everything look easy. Since she has had 3 coaches since me, I know I can't take ALL of the credit - but I was so happy to know that she was happy and that I had helped teach her to love what she was doing. Plus, afterwards, she said that she was putting a little extra into her performance because she knew I was there - so cute :)
• Interplay Open's show was AMAZING! It was to "Do, Re, Mi" from Sound of Music but it was SO excellently planned and written. Near the end of the song, when each Von Trapp child is singing a different part, they had a different small group running around the floor, doing flag work with a silk that said the note that was being sung. SO COOL! I hope I can find a video online...

Bloom, Lily, Bloom

• Happy April!
• When I'm sitting on my couch, I can smell my Easter lilies. They are about 5 feet from my couch and it's like I'm right next to them :)
• I got invited to buy Mumford & Sons tickets! But for their Berkeley, CA show :/ Can't afford that trip :(
• Carlee helped me fight with Amazon until we got access to the Downton Abbey Season 2 Christmas Special...it was wonderful! So cute and in many unexpected ways. I almost don't want to keep watching because I know season 3 was surprising in a bad way...I don't want things to change!
• And, finally, when one of your former guard girls messages you the following, how can you not smile?

"Emily! Please come to the performance at UofM on Friday. Please, please, please. I want you to see how fantastic your teaching has made me."

Red Hot Salsa (Mar 21)

• Finally went salsa dancing with Jayme and Nikki tonight! They ask/remind me every week to join them but I'm always hesitant because of work on Fridays. This week though, I took Friday off (and I'm headed to Chicago with Anna to see PP!) and on Monday I realized this would be the perfect time for me to go! It was SO much fun! We definitely pre-gamed before we went and that was fun (and necessary) ;) And once we got there, it was great! There were tons of people and a lot knew exactly how to salsa. I danced with a few guys, eventually coming to a guy who was taller than me (I was wearing heels too!!!!) and liked that I was tall. We danced really well together and we definitely exchanged numbers - I can't wait to dance with him again! :D I also met a guy from the Middle East who was very funny and very nice but AT LEAST a head shorter than me - he was very disappointed when I frankly told him that there was no way I could date him, because of the height difference. Just call me a Heartbreaker ;)

Best Of What's Around

• Okay, there are tons of things that suck about being an adult. Or an "adult". (They aren't the same but either way you still have to pay bills.) One the best things? Eating dessert for breakfast if you want to. But that's not the point. No, one of the other best things? Sleepovers during the week. Seriously, Monday night sleepovers with Jayme and Nikki are my favorite. I dancing with them in class, having people think we actually live together, going to my car together after, drinking whatever beverage we come up with that night, eating whatever snack we come up with that night, girl-talking and most of all laughing like crazy to New Girl. It's the best and I'm so grateful to be friends with them :)
• (Also, I just realized I basically wrote this same post last week. That's how much I love New Girl Mondays.)

Sister Act (Mar 16)

• Erin and I had a great day together! We ate at a vegetarian restaurant in Ann Arbor for dinner (I had vegan pizza...for probably the last time. I NEED REAL CHEESE.) and then headed to Pontiac for the Lindsey Stirling concert at the Crofoot. We drove up and saw a ton of people waiting in a line. We very much hoped that we wouldn't have to join them, but we soon realized that when they said the show started at 7, it really meant that doors opened at 7. So, since it was 6:45, we would have to que up too :/ It wasn't horrible though and the people in front of us were amused by our conversation about gingers (and dating them). Plus, I saw Erica! :) Once inside, we decided to head up to the 2nd floor balcony for the show. It was all standing-room only, but at least up there we had some room to move freely. The opening act was weird. It was a 2-man rap group - one guy played trumpet and the other played acoustic guitar. And the rapped. The trumpet guy was actually really good (at both singing and playing) but the whole concept was weird. Plus, I expected a more folk-y act to introduce Lindsey. (If you haven't seen Lindsey Stirling's videos, start here.) We made it through though and soon she came out! We really couldn't see so Erin convinced me to go to this part of the upstairs that was blocked off by a fence - but that had a small space between said fence and the wall...large enough to sneak through. About 3 pictures and 3minutes later, we were kicked out - it was for people with VIP passes :/ So we went back to our original spots and mostly just listened. It was great though :) She's pretty awesome. Not as funny as JG in concert, but very talented :) Throughout the down time of the day (getting ready at my apartment, the drive over, waiting for the bands, etc.), Erin and I talked about all kinds of things. She complimented my apartment by saying I was a hipster :) And was impressed that I go to bars/clubs relatively awesome. Apparently, that makes me cool! WOO! To finish off a great night, we decided to go out to a couple of places in downtown Ann Arbor when we got back. I took her right to Conor's, where there, surprisingly, wasn't much of a line. However, while we were waiting, a drunk ginger sorority girl walks past the line to the manager/bouncer and starts trying to convince him to let her in because she has red hair and it's St. Patrick's Day. He looks over to me and Erin (indicating that there were other gingers waiting) - so I leaned out of line and said, "What do you think we're doing?" I got a laugh out of him and several others in line. The girl totally ignored me, but also went back to her friends...standing in line :D We hung out there for a while (I gave her some pro-tips about avoiding or catching attention at the bar...and increased my cool status) and then we headed to Rush Street. There, we danced on the incredible crowded dance floor for about 10 minutes, cooled off and left. It seems short, but it was great. We just saw a little bit of the bar scene, took in our fair share of the color green and inappropriately-dressed-for-the-weather girls (I mean, come one - you can still look slutty in jeans, if you really want to!) and headed home/to bed before the sun came up. We popped in The Prince & Me when we got back but neither of us made it all the way through. It was a great day and I'm so glad we got some quality time together :)

Live From New York (Mar 12)

• Spent the evening cuddling Chloe, attempting to cook and oogling Adam Levine, Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake via the following SNL episodes: Season 38, Episode 12 (Adam Levine hosts) and Season 38, Episode 16 (Justin Timberlake hosts...and sings). They are so funny. And beautiful :D

The Happy Mondays (Mar 11)

• I think I'm going to try to restart the "one-good-thing-per-day-no-matter-what" posts. I feel like I could use those right now. In light of that...
• New Girl Mondays with Jayme and Nikki have quickly become a huge highlight of my week. First, I love that I have New Girl nights on Mondays AND Tuesdays. Second, I love that the 3 of us have become friends. Making friends is fun and I did it so much in Korea - I'm glad this is something I've "brought back" with me. Plus, it's a really neat experience becoming friends with people I have many things in common with, but not everything. And it's fun when people notice - a few weeks ago, a girl in our dance class asked if we all lived together :) Third, laughing at New Girl, eating whatever snack we've come up with and drinking whatever drink we've concocted is an amazing way to spend Mondays. (If I could bring Chloe, life would be perfect.)

Disappointed Type

• Tonight, I'm feeling very disappointed. Today, I was planning to take a mini-road trip to see these ice boulders that have appeared on the coast of Lake Michigan, near Traverse City. Even though it was almost 4 hours away, I thought it would be fun and random and memorable. I'd been planning to do this for about 2 weeks (and Anna said she could accompany me) - but when the weather warmed up on Friday, I started to question my decision. Doing a random road trip 2 weeks after you first think of it lends itself to more over-analyzing than is necessary. And that's what happened. I over-analyzed my way out of doing it. I could have woken up early and called the Sleeping Bears Dunes Info Center to see if the boulders were still there. I could have just gone up there anyways, and had a fun story to tell, even if it would have cot me about $70 in gas. But I didn't. Anna and I stayed at her house and watched TV and did nothing on our computers. We did end up getting out of the house for a little while (we were jolted into action when the tree fell on her house and scared the bejeezus out of us). And we headed to Lansing's Old Town and Downtown to wander around. Both of which turned out to be quite boring and a bit depressing (I mean this with no disrespect to the people trying to make Lansing nice - Lansing does not have anywhere that's really walkable and enjoyable). We ended up getting ice cream at the Dairy Store, which was definitely yummy. And it was relaxing to sleep in and do nothing. But I don't need to sleep in and do nothing. I need to be awake and doing things! My job does not render me so exhausted that I need the weekends to catch up on sleep and me-time. No, my daily activities render me itching for something more adventurous. And I - kind of due to weather, mostly due to myself - turned that opportunity down today. I hate that. It may seem like I'm blowing this out of proportion. Except that I've noticed myself doing this in many different situations lately. I'm flaky, even in plans with myself. I don't do things that I need to because I'll have time to do them tomorrow (whether it's finishing projects or doing chores). I don't make plans because they almost never come to fruition (like this weekend). I over-analyze until I've talked myself out of doing something (this is a main reason I didn't think when I made the decision to go to Korea...I just did it). I'm particularly frustrated by this right now because I'm trying to make a decision about my upcoming vacation days, and I can't even figure that out. I was supposed to go to Florida to see Carlee next weekend - but it's too expensive. So then I thought I could go to Toronto, to visit Monique and Richard and Sai, and maybe hit Niagra Falls too - but I also have the opportunity to spend some extra time with my sister, and I can't decide which I want to do more. I'm also feeling helpless in many other parts of my life, so I'm frustrated that I can't take control of these little decisions. I'm also tired of living alone. And I'm tired of having no money to save. And I'm almost 25.

The Rainbow Connection

• Almost all of my physical Korea connections are gone. I've eaten most of my Korean snacks (although I do have some coffee left), I've deleted the last of my pictures off my memory card, soon I'll be done uploading pictures and blog posts, my Korean facewash is almost used up and, today, I got my hair cut for the first time since Mi Bon (it doesn't look as good and was more expensive :/). I feel like I'm losing touch with everything from that part of my life! And I don't like it. It's hard that I want to be back there so badly too :( I'm grateful for my blog posts, pictures and memories though. And for surprise visits from Ashley :)

Let's Have Church

• Today, I had the experience of attending a small mega-church (oxymoron?) with Jen, Krystle and Jen's mom. It was really interesting. I appreciated that I was able to go about it objectively - it made for an interesting (at least, I hope) analysis:
• I think part of why the environment of this church (and similar churches) was hard for me/us to accept was that it's really a combination of several things that are usually not associated with chruch: a cafe, a mall-ish atmosphere, a music concert and a university lecture/recitation. Those are the parts that make up this church, rather than more traditional things: casseroles, social halls, youth group rooms (with weird couches), coffee hour, chancel choir, etc.
• No one greeted us - as one of thousands who came in that day, it was easy to get lost in the crowd, and be overlooked as new.
• I did not like the announcement that was made at the beginning of the service, asking regular attendees to pray about and consider attending a different service, to make room for more visitors at the popular 10:30 a.m. service time. I guess I understand the need for this, but it was really weird to hear it as a church announcement.
• The people around us were really nice - the greeting time allowed us to see that.
• We did not sing any songs during the service. This probably would have bugged me a lot more had they not started with "I Will Wait" by Mumford & Sons. One of my favorite songs. It helped make me see the service more neutrally - if I hadn't liked that song, it would have been easy to make fun of the fact that they didn't have any (for lack of a better term) sing-a-long songs, since that is one of my favorite parts of a service. But it sounded amazing (the band was fantastic) and fit really well with the message.
• There was a lot of talent displayed - in the band, the dramatic performance and the pastor's message.
• The pastor was very dynamic, but also personal - I really did feel like he was speaking directly to me or a a small group of people, rather than the large auditorium we were in.
• A favorite quote from the sermon: "You can't work your way closer to or sin your way farther from God."
• On the other hand, I also felt like the pastor only spoke to a specific demographic - the people who have really messed up and made huge life mistakes, particularly recently (i.e. 20-somethings and recent college grads).
• However, ironically, in my post-service research about small groups, I was told that there is not a general small group for 20-somethings who aren't college students. There are "probably" a bunch that have to do with the message series, as those are chosen based on interests, age, occupation, location, etc. But those groups were selected at the beginning of said lecture series - over a month ago.
• And when I "stepped out" of the experience of listening to his message and looked around me, I realized that we were basically in a church lecture. Hundreds of people listening to the main points and then you split into your appointed/chosen small group throughout the week (one of hundreds) to decipher more meaning and take the concepts further. We were even given paper to take notes on.
• Another thing I noticed about the service - the auditorium setup was a little weird. Although setup like other contemporary churches and auditoriums I'd been to (3 sections, 4 aisles, in a semi-circle), the middle section was extremely large. Such that if you sat in the middle and needed to use the bathroom or decided you didn't want to finish the service in the middle of the service, you had to climb over at least 50 people on either side of you...or stay put.
• The whole experience was very individual-oriented, as Krystle pointed out. They talked a lot about "you", in several parts of the service. And, with so many people, it was hard to feel a sense of belonging. There was little emphasis on the faith community as a whole and, considering that's where a lot of my personal faith has its foundation, I had trouble with that (as did Krystle).
• Overall, the service was quite good - but the pre-church atmosphere and pre- and post-church parking issues and considerations were enough to make me not want to return. Actually, I wouldn't mind going back to see what a second Sunday would be like (especially without one of my favorite songs as the focus). But I prefer a place that knows me - and sings traditional songs at worship :D

I Slipped, I Stumbled, I Fell

• Happy March!
• Today, I slipped on ice and fell onto my right side. Twice. I scraped and re-scraped my right hand and will most certainly have bruises and/or sore spots on my elbow, hip and knee for the next several days. Ouch. (Oh and the first time, I was carrying my lunch, which had my yogurt in it, which had an unbeknownst-to-me-loose lid...so that exploded all over my lunch box.) The kids were very interested in my bandaged hand. Will (the one that calls me "Eh-moo") told me that it's alright, he'd make it feel better and then blew on my hand several times :) Eden told me her dad could fix it :) Jeremy asked me "Why did you fall?" so many times that eventually I just wanted to shout, "BECAUSE GRAVITY HATES ME!" I didn't though. Don't worry. Ah well. The best remedy for all this pain and suffering? A weekend with/at the Eischeids, where I'll get to see Krystle and which will be concluded with a visit from my dad :)

Rest Your Head

Rest in peace, Nate Fruin. 22 is much too young to die. Although I didn't know you well, the shear number of loving posts on my Newsfeed prove to me that you were loving to and loved by many wonderful people. Prayers of comfort to your friends and family.

Jail Bird (Feb 17)

• Happy Birthday to my brother, Collin! 18!
• This morning, on my way to church, I saw a police car headed towards the Washtenaw County Jail. There was a man in the backseat, looking out the window. All I could think (and the thought that resurfaced throughout the day) was, "I'm going to church and he's going to jail." Wow. And my other thought? "What could we have done in the last 18-25 years to prevent this from happening?" It was a very poignant thought to have at 7:45 on a Sunday morning.

Love Like Valentine

• Happy Valentine's Day!
• We had a little celebration at school today - the cutest part was the kids thanking each other when they found out who gave them their cards. We only told them once to do it! They either remembered very well or said it because they were truly grateful (or, at least polite). So cute. I also got a yummy box of chocolates from one of my favorite little guys - he calls me "Eh-moo" :)
• I got a fabulous package of chocolates, note paper (shaped like a dress!) and an adorable mug from Dad and Barbara :)
• I made/ate Bobby's cake + guacamole, enjoyed my chocolates and watched my first episode of Downton Abbey tonight. I could have done a lot of other things, but I'll do those later :)

Altered Course

• It's amazing to me how my life can be on such a different course than everyone else, all while we are occupying the same space in time. It's crazy how people can be suffering from awful health problems, terrible loss or unthinkable abuse tonight. Or how other people are cuddling with their spouses (instead of their cat...), putting their children to bed, or planning their upcoming wedding tonight. This is, of course, not the first time I've had this thought. It has been specifically triggered by the fact that Abby is leaving to return to Korea tomorrow. It's amazing to me that she is starting a new adventure when all I'll be doing tomorrow is going to work. Yes, I love my job and I'm at a great place in my life right now - and things could totally be worse. But I keep imagining an alternate reality where I am also heading back to what feels like a second home to me now...and I get feelings of wonder and happiness that I'm not currently feeling. Going back to friends in Korea, to places I've never been and places I know well, to food I miss, to a lifestyle that was consistently stressful but constantly adventurous...that would be amazing. I never thought I would really want to go back to Korea - I hope to travel and live in a lot of different places. But hanging out with Abby as she prepares to head back has made me feel completely differently - I think it would be fabulous! It would also be easy, but in the best ways. It would be familiar but I could change things about my experience, do things I didn't get a chance to, and waste less time missing home. Ahhhh I want to board that plane with her tomorrow! However, I definitely can't, so I will have to live with keeping up with her blog and living through her experiences :)

Better Now, Darling?

• PP, Carlee, Jeanette, a cookie and cereal for dinner, snow outside, Miss Congeniality and several Friends episodes from season 9 made me feel a lot better tonight. (Work was good but my conversation with DTE was not.) Oh and I also finished cleaning my dishes! It's been a long time since that part of my counter was clear. And I'd forgotten how funny the Friends episodes I watched were :) And I'm excited to listen to the new music I put on my iPod, as well as the NPR podcasts I downloaded - I totally didn't know you could do that!
• There is a little boy at work, in the older toddler room (so he's 3), who runs up to me with a big grin on his face every time he sees me on the playground. He's one of my favorite kids so I love seeing him too :)

Anniversary Song

• Wow...one year ago today I was flying towards my greatest adventure thus far. In some ways, I can't believe it's been that long - my experiences in Korea seem so recent. And at the same time, I can believe it's been that long - it feels like another lifetime that I was there. I am constantly grateful that I kept up with my blog the whole time I was there...I will be reading and rereading Korea posts a LOT over the next few months. And looking at pictures. And reliving memories. Yes, I'm preparing for 6 months of reminiscing...my friends and anyone I see regularly should too.
• Starting as the core associate teacher in the Evergreen room was not a bad way to avoid being sad today :) It was fun being in charge at the end of the day, even though it was only for 45 minutes. It was nice to have projects to work on during my non-contact time. And it was nice to be addressed directly by the parents (though I will need to think of more comments about their kids and small talk to use with them). I don't think I'll really feel the difference for a few weeks, since I've been in Evergreen for up to 7 or 8 school days before now.
• I also had dinner with Bianca and Lindsay, to try out a new Korean restaurant, catch up and celebrate our 1-year anniversary. The food was good and it was nice to see TaLK people today :)
• Plus, I got to see Sarah W. as I walked to dance, Nikki and Jayme at dance (of course) and Dave as I wandered around waiting for my bus! Very nice surprises.
• Also, I'm eating Nutella and pretzels and watching Grey's to celebrate World Nutella Day :)

Full Retreat

• I've been at the Wesley Statewide retreat this weekend and it's just been great :) I was definitely sad when Mandy (and Katie) told me they weren't going to be there :( But almost as soon as I walked in, I realized that I was surrounded by people I knew or people who knew people I knew. This helped me feel so much more comfortable introducing myself to others. I met lots of great people, especially from WMU and MSU, and I finally met Lisa Batten (the person in charge of WMU Wesley), who basically knows all of "my" camp people. I got to hang out with Kaitlyn and Keeley, who were in 8th grade the last time I spent a significant amount of time with them (they are pretty fantastic humans now :)). I got to hang out and get closer with UM Wesley friends - we played lots of Fluxx and Euchre, baked cookies, went to Meijer, had deep talks and made each other laugh. We watched Hercules and, after I told everyone that my favorite line (1:55-2:07) was at the end of the movie, they all made sure I didn't miss it :) Plus, tonight we had the place to ourselves! Literally, everyone else went home (even the CMU people - who were hosting us), so we just made ourselves comfortable! We got all the good places for sleeping and could be crazy all we wanted :) It has been a wonderful weekend...plus it makes me ridiculously excited for BKC! (I definitely woke up with morning and just wanted a Brophy hug :))
• We also had a very interesting trip to a local Indian museum. The museum was very well-done and had a lot of information about the tribe that lives in this area. The guide was very knowledgeable but it was also clear that he inherited his family's/ancestor's anger towards white people. It was frustrating to hear his tones (and sometimes words) imply that I personally made bad assumptions about his people, knew nothing about their history and was somehow responsible for the actions of the 18th and 19th century white men and government. For example, he made a point to tell us about the Indian Citizenship Act of 1924, which was the first time that Indians were allowed to vote. Yeah, that sucks - but OH HEY women only got the right to vote 4 years earlier. It was also very interesting to note the changes in the exhibits as they related to the information that was being relayed and the feelings we should have been having. At the beginning of the tour, we learned all about the history and daily workings of the tribe. The exhibit was colorful, open and used many different mediums to create the outdoor feel, as well as to communicate the information. As we moved into the part of their history that was influenced by Europeans, the halls/passages became more narrow, the walls formed more corners, the color of the walls was a dull brown, and exhibits were mostly pictures and paintings. It was clear (to me, and to others to whom I explained these details) that they wanted us to feel trapped, overwhelmed and anxious, as they told this part of their story. (Thanks for knowing to look for that stuff, Carlee!) It was a well-done museum for sure.

Children Say

• Conversation from work yesterday that made me a happy girl:

Lali Bee: I want to sit at your table [for lunch]!
Me: Ohh, I'm going on my break.
Lali Bee: Will you be back after lunch or for nap...?
Me: Yes.
Gabi: (runs towards me to hug me) Oh, I love you! I don't know why! (Then Lali Bee hugged me too.) 

• My Russian Crush is so smart. First of all, when I was briefly in his classroom last week, he counted up to twelve in English on his own! Complete with the Russian "vun" for "one" :D Today, his sweetness came out when he approached me on the playground as his class was lining up to go inside: his teacher had taken their emergency backpack from the hook and knocked another teacher's keys down in the process. Fedor tugged on my jacket and then pointed to the keys on the ground to communicate his concern. SO CUTE! I feel like he's just going to burst into brilliant English one day. I hope I'm around when he starts speaking because, even without verbal language, I feel like I know so much about his character - I'm sure there will be tons more to learn when you add speech into the mix! He must have so many opinions and stories to tell. This is also apparent when his mom picks him up from school - he starts rattling off in Russian as if there aren't enough words to describe his day :) Also, I love his mom. She makes a point to say hi or wave to me whenever I see her/she sees me :)

For The Inauguration (Jan 21)

• Happy Inauguration and Martin Luther King Jr. Day!
• Going into today, I was a bit annoyed. We didn't have kids at the center today, we just had a meeting and then had to attend some of the MLK events on campus. Normally, I wouldn't be too bothered by this. But, seeing as today was also Inauguration Day, I was EXTREMELY disappointed that I didn't even have the option of trying to go to DC for the weekend (I mean, I guess I could have taken the day off, but I missed the last PD day and also would have had to make-up the training hours on my own). Plus, Laura Meyer went with the Michigan (U of M) Democrats group so I was super jealous of her - I think she's going to bring me a t-shirt though :D So I wasn't in the greatest of moods about my professional duties today. But, after our morning meeting, my boss told us that we'd only have to do 2 hours of lecture in the afternoon, instead of three - woo! A lot of the events were 2 hours long and overlapped time-wise, so trying to get 3 hours in without staying into the evening wasn't working very well. I was planning to stay in AA the whole day anyway, because of the lectures I was interested in seeing (they were later in the day) and because I had my dance class tonight. But this change allowed me to hang out with friends almost the whole day! After our meeting, we all walked to the keynote speech together. Then, after the speech, I met up with Mandy, Becky, Ethan, Sarah, and Michelle :) We ate at Panera (woo having a gift card!), hung out there for a while, and then wandered into Caravan, a store on Nichels Arcade. After that, Mandy, Sarah, Michelle and I went to Wesley to study (for me, work on WAY stuff) until the next lecture we wanted to see. When it was time, we walked to the Union and then to the grad library - because the lecture was full and we had to watch it via remote streaming - for the lecture. Later, Mandy and I went back to Wesley and talked about hospitality towards new students at church with Sarah and Becky before heading to her place for dinner. After that, I went to my dance class and had a great time - the choreography that Jayme is teaching is fun and challenging and I really feel like I'm getting it. Then after dance, I went to Meijer (I love being there when hardly anyone else is :)) and came home to watch: President Obama's 2nd Inaugural Speech and his introduction of Michelle and their dance at the Commander-In-Chief ball...the first made me tear up and the 2nd made my heart melt. I loved them both. Very happy to have those two leading our country :)
• I did learn a few things at the lectures I attended today. First, I learned a lot about prison abolition. This is a movement within our country to get rid of the prison system and work solely with restorative justice. The speaker, Dr. Angela Davis, was amazing and it was great to listen to her. I had just never heard of this kind of movement/policy before. Second, post-lecture Q&A sessions are a big gamble. They can be great, but they can also bring forward a lot of self-righteous people and get totally off-topic. Third, I learned a great poem about not smoking from the keynote speaker, Morris Dees. He spoke about many good things but one memorable one was the anti-smoking poem he recited that he was taught as a child by his most influential teacher. If I ever find a video, I'll post it here :) Fourth, I would love to move forward in my profession such that I'm asked to give a lecture as an expert in my field at some kind of special event. That would just be very cool. Lastly, (this isn't really something I learned...) I had a great time acting the part of a U of M student today. I hung out with my U of M friends, attended lectures, walked to and from said lectures in the bitter cold and snow, studied at Wesley, hung out around central campus. It was really fun and a pretty unique experience :)

Monster Hospital (Jan 19)

• Being at the hospital with Krystle over the weekend brought some thoughts to the front of my mind: 
• I’ve never been in the hospital, other than for emergency stuff. 
• In fact, I haven’t been in the hospital since the car accident. 
• It was crazy seeing my incredibly strong best friend stuck in a bed, connected to an IV, because her body couldn’t handle what nature was throwing at her. 
• The chair that turned into a bed in her room was quite comfortable. 
• Unexpected perk – got to visit Katie, John and Charlie and finally see their house! Kyle came over too, because he lives right up the street, and it was so fun to just hang out with all of them. I love their little house and just seeing what they do from day to day. I also LOVE watching John with Charlie! He is so caring and loving but also very chill, like it’s just the most natural thing for him to feed and diaper and play with Charlie – which is how it should be :) 
• I got to see Kyle’s house too! It’s really nice – he’s so grown up! 
• Confession: I love taking care of people’s kids, especially children of my friends. But I HATE taking care of those kids in front of them. I know that I am a competent caregiver, but in front of a child’s parents, I am very self-conscious. What if I do things differently than they do/would and they realize that they can’t trust me? What if I do something wrong? I also don’t want to seem like I know best – more so than they do - when I continue holding their crying baby, trying my own ways to settle him or her down. And I don’t want them to think that I think of myself as a caregiver first, such that I will take care of the child over hanging out or that I see them just to see their child/children. I think that explanation makes sense…

Friends Will Be Friends

• I miss my friends. Right now, my closest/nearest close friend is Cara and she lives 20 minutes away. Now, I do realize that for some people, living only 20 minutes from a good friend is a luxury. However, most people that I know in this situation live with a significant other who (one would hope) could be counted as a close friend. Since moving to Kalamazoo almost 10 years ago, I have been lucky to be, at most, 5 minutes away from one of my best friends. In college, I lived with at least 2 during any given year. The one exception was when I was in Korea - but I saw Winter or another friend in Pohang/Gyeongju almost every day. And right now, I'm missing ALL of my friends. Carlee. Krystle. Katie. PP. Anna. WIFE. Camp friends. ER friends. Korea friends. Korea friends. Korea friends. I wish I could have all my people in one place. Obviously, not possible. But a girl can dream.

Better & Better

• Yesterday, I was over an hour late to work because I didn't hear my alarms :/ I felt terrible and embarrassed - this is my real job after all, not some college part-time work - even though my coworkers were understanding and my boss wasn't angry because she knew it "was out of character" for me. (I felt a little less terrible after I got half the kids in the Willow room down for a nap and also realized that my alarms didn't go off because I got a text before the time they were set for...still obnoxious but I can blame my phone.) But today was better. First, I was really needed in the classroom that I worked in today. I'm almost always needed but today I was filling for 2 core teachers - so I was really needed. And I like working with Mel, the other teacher in the classroom. Also, when we were on the playground, Will (a child in Evergreen, which is the classroom I was in for all of last week), ran up to and hugged me, flapping his hands and yelling "Emily!" It was ADORABLE! Then (also on the playground), the little Korean girl in the Maple classroom, Ye Bom - whom I try to converse with in both Korean and English as much as possible - basically dragged her mother over to me on her way back inside to say goodbye to me (in English). She was so excited and I loved it :)
• Now, I'm watching NCIS, New Girl and Big Bang Theory (from last week), in Cara's living room (with Cara) in front of a lovely fire :)

Bells And Whistles (Jan 9)

• I had dinner with Melissa at a Korean restaurant near work tonight! It was pretty yummy - but it was definitely Americanized Korean food...hehe I'm proud I can tell the difference :)
• I went to my first handbells rehearsal tonight! It was good :) There are some awesome people in the choir and everyone seemed so excited to meet me. The lady I'm sharing a stand with was the head librarian at the EMU library until last year; now she's at UofM-Dearborn. And the man who is ringing on my other side used to be the dean of EMU's College of Ed! Like, relatively recently. He has a great Southern accent too. I'm ringing the E4/F4 position right now...a good one to do reentry with because it's pretty "quiet" - at least, the parts in the songs we read are pretty easy. At first, I was like, "Oh no, I won't remember anything!" But it got easier very quickly and the director (and some others) seemed impressed that I had rung for 10 years and in several of the positions. It was weird being directed by someone that wasn't my dad though! But it was really fun :) AND I got to see my friends from Wesley afterwards. I, along with Marshal and Dave, successfully taught Sarah and Jon how to play Euchre! It was awesome :) A good Wednesday night.
• I hate throwing away chocolate! Especially the yummy Lindt/Lindor kind :(
• I still have my Christmas decorations up. In fact, I keep adding ornaments to my tree. On the 15th day of Christmas...

Brave New Girl

Thoughts for the day:

• What classifies something as a muffin and not a cupcake (and vice versa)? English is so confusing.
• I feel like Biggby is Starbucks' crazy, younger, pre-teen sister. I think it's because of the bright colors they use in their ads and the funny names they have for their drinks. I just feel like Starbucks is classier. Is that me being sucked in by their (Starbucks') marketing? Anyone care to weigh in?
• Being in Korea made me braver. I've been noticing it in very subtle ways lately. I don't mind asking strangers to take pictures of me and my friends. I don't feel uncomfortable talking to random strangers at the store or giving compliments. I don't feel as scared now about my career as I did in summer 2011. I don't feel as intimidated when I think about living/teaching abroad again. There is still a lot of stuff that makes me feel not brave, but I hope that list becomes shorter as my life goes on :)
• [I love Korea. I miss Korea.]

Cute As A Bug

• Cute things that happened at work today:
• Will "sent" me an "email" this morning. After making me a couple of notes on scrolls, he folded a piece of paper very small and declared it was an email.
• Will patted my hand and said "It's okay" after I only got 8 cards in a Memory game (and he got 14).
• Finn's shirt was buttoned one button off and he was like, "That's weird. Oh yeah, Dad dressed me today."
• Will, Jeremy, and Oliver danced to and sang Gangnam Style as we got ready to go outside.
• Gabi said she didn't want to go outside because she didn't want to have too much fun - she needed to save some for home.
• I taught Zoey (who speaks almost no English) to successfully play Memory.
• Julia got really excited when she saw me from her car as I walked into this center.

The Power Of Resolution

So I don't ever remember consciously making New Year's Resolutions. But yesterday, on my drive back home to Ypsi, I started thinking of things I want to do this year and whole bunch of resolution-type thoughts came tumbling out. I am going to print and post this list in my apartment but I also think this list is flexible - that I will be adding things to it throughout the year. Hopefully, by the end of 2013, I will be able to cross them all off!

New Year’s Resolutions 2013

• Explore the music and culture scene of Ann Arbor/Ypsilanti 
• Have more open communication with my friends and any boys that may come around 
• Continue making new friends and maintain those friendships (if desired) 
• Visit old friends as often as possible 
• Decorate my apartment as if I’m not moving in 8 months 
• Reply to snail mail with snail mail whenever I receive it 
• Start a new hobby (playing guitar or knitting) 
• Improve a current hobby (sewing, dance, baking, etc.) 
• See a therapist before the end of the year 
• Finish and print my “Adventures” blog (by the end of June) 
• Dress up and attend a fancy dinner 
• Be late to work less than 3 times per month 
• Put more Korea into my life (eating out, cooking, decorating, sending mail to friends in Korea/everywhere else etc.) 
• Try to transition into really living my (grown-up) life in Ann Arbor 

(And these things aren't really resolutions...more like reminders)

• Other things to do: 
• Back up hard drive more often 
• Make an infinity scarf 
• Put bumper stickers on my car 
• Finish posting pictures from 2012 to Facebook 
• Buy a smartphone 
• Finish missing blog posts